My friend Gina says yeah she reads the blog for the stories, but if she wants to know what's really going on with me, she'll call... to know what's going on with the real Katie.
A lot of you have emailed me. Asked me questions. I think I am finally okay with saying, know what, screw it... here it is.
Me:
Met my future husband when I was 15.
Had my first baby (James) when I was 20. And my world changed.
Married when I was 22.
Second baby (Jared) at 23 and my world was changed again when they told me he would die.
When I was 25, my third (Jaden) was born. And yep, he changed my world too.
When I was 26, my husband was diagnosed with cancer and I was told he would die.
(He survived the cancer)
When I was 28, we were growing too far apart.
When I was 29, he shot me and almost killed me and killed himself.
When I was 29, my real and true friends were revealed to me.
When I was 30, someone came along with the promise of taking me away from everything that was surrounding me, and I moved to Illinois with him.
When I was 31, he broke my arm.
The next year or so, he cheated on me.
When I was 32, Jared passed away. And my world changed again.
When I was 33, I said enough, and I left with my boys.
(Aamir was not mine and he went home to live with his mom)
I'm 33 now... and I can say I'm happy.
For the most part.
Obviously, I miss my friends and my family.
But I have James & Jaden, my life. They love it here.
I also have friends here that make me smile.
I also have friends that keep me here, that have my heart.
Those are my reasons. I love those reasons. Those reasons make me happy.
A lot of people think their lives are horrible. That they have it pretty bad.
Sometimes you need to put things in perspective.
Really, it's not that bad.
Things will get better. They always do.... at least that's what I keep telling myself.
I tend to take things pretty light hearted. It's the only way I know how.
People have asked, how do you keep going?
How do you not?
Really, that was always in my head, how do you not. What's the alternative from getting up and moving on? Because I don't know what that is.
Sometimes life changes on you. Changes who you really even thought you were.
A poem I have always liked:
After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open,
With the grace of a woman,
Not the grief of a child
And you learn to build all your roads on today,
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After awhile you learn that even sunshine
Burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
In stead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth,
and you learn and learn...
With every good bye you learn.
And so that's me. The truth. Anymore questions?
Ask away.
26 comments:
I have always known you were an amazing woman. I remember when you told me about J & the cancer. I remember the day you called me and told me about J and what he did. It is forever in my head. I'm sorry I haven't called sooner to get the real scoop about the the last part. I had no idea!
BUt I know you and I know you are a survivor and and moving on-er :) I love you girl!
Wow... thank you for being so open with everything. There's not a lot of people out there who would do that.
Now that post is the Katie I know and love. Your posts are often enlightening, funny, introspective but this post was REAL. All the things I knew and some of the things I've questioned...
Your spirit is strong and very much alive. I think it's great that you have nothing to hide and you shouldn't- you have nothing to be ashamed of. Love you lots!
Your friend,
Galelynn
WOW…I only know you from blogland so I knew none of that.
You are obviously an amazing woman to have overcome so much. It shows courage and strength and true character that you were able to recognize that you deserve more, for you AND your boys, and for doing something about it, but most of all that you are able to have such a great outlook on life after all that.
I’ve always enjoyed reading your blog, but now I have even more admiration for you so I’ll love it even more… Thank you for sharing!
Wow Katie. You truly are an amazing woman.
A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.
As I have gotten to know you through blogging, I have always thought that about you. You seem so strong. You are a great mom. You are honest and real.
I love how you have been through so much- more than most of us could even imagine- and yet you find the good.
Sharing this was probably not easy, but I know it has already changed me for the better, let alone how it will change someone who is struggling.
Thank you.
I don;t even remember how I found your blog, it's been a while that I;ve been reading it though. I remember reading about when your son died and thinking what an amazing woman you are. And now reading all of this and realizing that some of it happened since I have been reading your blog mad me feel...I don't really know..Maybe closer to you in a weird way. I wish I could be as open as you have been. I feel such an admiration towards you. You are in my prayers and I am glad to see that you are finally happy. I hope that it continues because you DESERVE it.
This is why I like you. You are a tough chick and you keep on keepin' on. You have a great life and I am glad to know you are living it! No questions here. So does this mean you will blog more? ha ha! Be sure to stop by and see the newest Vent Day video. We are some damn fools!!
go on girl.
everything else i have to say is coming in email. i am not nearly as public as this post was.
Hats off to you Katie.
You're a survivor! You have the best gift of all, your boys! That's all that matters! That's all that will ever matter!
I've said it before and I'll say it again and again. A man that hits a woman or causes any type of bodily harm to a woman is a fucking coward and scum.
NO MATTER what the situation is, there's NEVER a reason for domestic violence.
Much love to you! You already know I have much much to say. Imma stop here cuz, I can blog up in the comments all day long!
LOL
Miss Katie,
You are a dear friend and I have always felt a closeness too you despite the fact that we are a few thousand miles away. I have known you a long time and knew you have been going through alot but did not want to pry. You have always had an amazing way to just keep on going inspite of all that you have gone through. You are an inspiration and I have you in my prayers and your boys.
I pray you are truly doing okay and the boys too. You are very strong and I admire that. You take care of yourself and your boys and screw that man. You already had one that tried to kill you. God has plans for you and because you are such a wonderful mother with such a strong and positive spirit he is going to take care of you.
Now darn it... you better call me soon. I don't mind texting but my little fingers aren't as fast as my mind and mouth. Take care honey...
Love Ya,
Angela in Idaho
All I can think of to say is BRAVE. You are brave. I'm glad you are safe and happy. I am truely in awe of your courage!
Katie, I found your blog a few months ago (from Shally's I think) and Im a true lurker 'cos I havent even got my own blog yet...Blah blah blah.
The day I found your blog I read it all , back to the start and all your words really stayed with me. You are very brave, but so smart too.. You know that the ONLY way for your precious boys to have a great future is for you to go on... one foot in front of the other...nothing more complicated than that. I wish you a mountain of strength and good will for all your future endevours.
Kind Regards
Elizabeth
PS That poem was very similar to the one I clung to when I lost my mum... It truely saved me a couple of times.. It says it all.
No questions here. Just admiration.
I thought that before I read all of this stuff. Now my admiration is magnified ten fold.
Getting through life's challenges with a smile.
I am glad you are good, and yes, things DO get better.
Good for you for sharing your amazing story. My blog has it's ups and downs too. I have wondered how you were doing. I am glad that you are feeling you are in a better place now. There is nothing better than feeling the happiness that comes with inner peace.
Oh, Katie. I knew some of this but certainly not all of it. I've gone throughs some tough times myself, but not as much and not as extreme. But you're absolutely right. What other choice do you have but continue to plow forward and thank God for those happy moments stolen here and there?
You're also right when you say that on our blogs we share what we want and keep the rest to ourselves. But I have found that whenever I chose to put something big out there it is somehow therapeutic to me. Especially when I realize there are people out there who want to buoy me up and hold my virtual hand, even though I've never personally met them.
Keep plowing forward. Keep grabbing onto those happy moments.
And in your case, you've already been through the worst things a person could experience, so there's nowhere to go but up!!!
Big hugs, Katie.
You've always been honest with me about the "real Katie" so none of this is news to me. But something about seeing it summarized and in writing makes it a little harder to swallow.
But you're good with YOU now and that's quite the accomplishment at such a young age. It takes most people a lifetime...all it took you was 33 years and a move to Illinois. :)
No questions here , just sadness and admiration for all you have been through and how you have come through it all I dont know you personally but through your blog, you truly are a fighter and a survivor
Wow.You are truly an amazing woman.
I second everything that has already been said in your comments. I had wondered what was going on but I agree with your statement that we don't share everything on our blogs. I figured if and when you were ready you would tell us.
A while back Ty left me QUITE the He made it clear to me with his comment that you are MUCH better off without him.
I am glad you are safe and happy now!!
What??? Oh please!!!---He better not roll through my blog leaving bad comments about you. He will be ripped to shreds! I don't play that!
I have been blown away by your strength. And that was just what I saw here on the blog! Your behind-the-blog life is inspiring and you have proven that you are a survivor. Go get 'em, my friend.
Oh my God! I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that!!! You are truly amazing for standing up for yourself and your boys (they are blessed to have a mom like you!) Thank you for opening up and putting yourself like that...I personally know it's not easy to disclose things like that. Keep your head up girl! You are beautiful, intelligent, and have so much to give! :)
I remember when Robin called me to tell me you had been shot. I was stunned, PISSED AS HELL, and scared. And then I thought about it....if ANYONE I knew could pull through something like that, it would be you.
You have always impressed me with your no-bullshit approach to life, your ability to find the best in the worst, your incredible bravery and strength, and (let's face it) your awesomely snarky humor.
You kick ass. I am so glad that you have found the happiness you so deserve.
Also glad you blog because I love seeing how big the boys have gotten and I really did miss the snarky humor. :)
unbelievable. i'd noticed your blog looked different--pictures were missing, but i didn't really question why. i'm so glad that you've moved on because SO many people get stuck in those bad situations and aren't strong enough to leave. may you continue to be an inspiration to people who read your blog--i'm sure your boys already see you as one. :) take care.
No questions Cali b/c I know the deal....All I have to say is that you are the shit! yup I said it...(sorry for the profanity, but you are)
Love ya!
Post a Comment